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There are lots of bits of advice you probably weren’t given growing up. How to budget your money. How to know if you should marry the person you’re dating. How to make or break a habit.

Also assuredly on that list: How to make friends in adulthood.

Not only is it not part of any school curriculum, but you probably didn’t receive any guidance from your parents, either verbally or by way of example, as there’s a good chance they didn’t have any real friends themselves.

If, as a result, you’re struggling to find pals as a grown-up, here are three lessons on the subject, found through our own process of trial and error. Better late than never. Hopefully they’ll keep you from groping about quite as blindly.

You’ll Have to Be Proactive

You likely never even gave any thought to the idea of making friends in general until you graduated from college and plopped out into the wider world. Why would you have? Making and having friends during your school years is practically as natural as breathing. You’re interacting with peers, probably of similar backgrounds and ages, for six or more hours a day. You further subsect this peer group into segments of the even more like-minded by sorting into various extracurricular activities. It’s hard not to make friends during your school years.

And then, post college, cue that record scratch. You may see fellow humans at your workplace, but the pool of potential candidates in the friend department — folks who are in a similar stage in life, share your interests, and possess a personality with which you connect — may nevertheless be rather shallow. And if you work from home, as more and more people do, you can go days without seeing other human beings, of any stripe, at all.

In adulthood there are few built-in structures that automatically push you into forming friendships. And most freshly-minted grown-ups, who have little experience in environments that aren’t set up with those structures, try to continue the friendship-making method they’ve always employed — which is to say, doing nothing — and then feel befuddled at their anemic social circle.

So the biggest lesson to learn about making friends in adulthood is that it’s going to take real, proactive effort. It won’t just happen; you’ll have to work to make it happen.

That means intentionally increasing your contact with other humans, i.e., possible future friends. That can be accomplished by attending a church, joining a gym or dojo, finding a meet-up group in your area that centers on some interest of yours, etc.

Being proactive also means deepening the more superficial bonds you’ll form in such situations by inviting someone to hang out outside of them. For example, if you find yourself chatting each Sunday with someone at your church, eventually you invite them over for dinner. (For tips on how to make these invitations in a non-awkward way, read this article.)

One of the best ways to turn acquaintances into real friends is to start some kind of group — whether that’s an informal men’s fraternity or a discussion circle like a book club — that meets weekly/monthly. With starting a group, you invest more effort upfront to get it going, but then have to put in less effort later in sustaining it; having a set day/time that you meet with your friends will help “automate” your relationships and prevent the endless back and forth of deciding on a time to hang out, every time you hang out.

It Will Take Time (A Lot More Than You Think)

A research study surveyed both college students and adults to figure out how much time it takes to make friends and deepen these bonds.

It found that turning an acquaintance into a casual friend requires students to spend about 40 hours together and adults to spend about 90 hours together.

Turning a casual friend into a regular friend took about 60 hours for students and 160 for adults.

And turning a regular friend into a good, close friend took about 120 hours for students, and 100 for adults.

All in all, it takes college students about 220 hours of together-time to move through the stages/levels of friendship from acquaintance to best friend, while it takes adults 350.

Adults thus have two big disadvantages in the friendship-making department: 1) It takes more sheer hours to progress a relationship than it did when you were young (the researcher who

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Odds & Ends: October 27, 2023

Why Note-Taking Applications Don’t Make us Smarter. I like the concept of creating a super-powered cloud-based brain by capturing my thoughts and readings in a central note-taking application. My note-taking application will unleash an untapped torrent of creativity, I dream. Every time I try to put the idea into action, the results are always disappointing. This article will explain what could be causing the lack of enthusiasm. You can’t really outsource the old-fashioned way of thinking to a machine. Not yet, at least.

Clive Barker’s The Thief Of Always We have just finished reading it aloud to our family and everyone enjoyed it. Clive Barker is a prolific horror writer for adults. He also wrote this book aimed towards children. The story revolves around young Harvey Swick whose boredom drives him to the Holiday House where he spends each day experiencing all four seasons and major holidays. What could be more fun than celebrating Halloween and Christmas each day? There is a price to pay for all the fun. The second half is weaker than the beginning, but it’s still a good book for a pre-Halloween quick read.

Peak Refuel Backpacking Meals. Last week, the McKays backpacked in AR and ate these freeze-dried foods during our trip. These are the meals we like to take with us when backpacking. These meals are delicious and contain more calories (and protein) than most other backpacking foods. Beef Stroganoff, Chicken Pesto Pasta and Beef Stroganoff are two of the best.

WoodWick Candles Hygge is in order as the weather gets colder. Hygge, a Danish concept, is the idea of creating an atmosphere of coziness and relaxation in your home, especially during the darker and colder seasons of winter and fall. Hygge is a Danish concept that emphasizes the importance of candles. WoodWick makes one of our favourite candles. The wick, as the name suggests, is made of wood. When lit, it looks like a fireplace fire. It’s soothing. It’s great for meditations with fire.

Quote of the week

In a certain sense, a person who looks at the present through the lens of the future and takes into consideration his entire being, can be satisfied with his lot. . . If a person reaches the point of being so satisfied that they say, “I don’t want to learn any more or do anything more or be any further,” then he should be turned into a mummy. A mummy, of all things hideous, is the most hideous. And the most hideous mummies are the ones that run around the streets talking.

–H.W. Beecher

The Art of Manliness published Odds & Ends – October 27, 2023 first.

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Gifting Ideas for The Upcoming Season – Thanksgiving Edition

This article originally appeared here: Gifting ideas for the Upcoming Season, Thanksgiving Edition

Thanksgiving is not just about turkeys, pies and parades. It’s also a time to celebrate the warmth and joy of family and the expression of gratitude. The hearty meal may be the highlight of the day, but it is the thoughtfulness and care that goes into the gifts that we give to our loved ones that really embody this special occasion. The festive season is fast approaching, and there’s never been a better time to think about thoughtful gifts to show our loved ones how much we care.

Host/Hostess gifts

What do you give to the person who does all the work in the kitchen, if anything?

When in doubt, choose the classics. The combination of a fine bottle of wine and artisanal cheeses is always a winner. It’s the ideal gift to express your appreciation to your Thanksgiving host, offering a sophisticated touch to the festive celebrations.Customized Serving Trays: If you want to add that extra personal touch, consider gifting a customized serving tray. It can be engraved with a family name or special message. This keepsake will make their Thanksgiving spread a memorable one.

Gifts for Family

The best family gifts involve sharing experiences, making memories and cherishing our time together.

Board Games and puzzles: There’s nothing that brings families together more than a friendly competition. These gifts are sure to bring hours of enjoyment and engagement, whether it is a strategy game that tests the mind or a picture puzzle with a scenic view. They’re also a great way to bridge generation gaps, so everyone, from the grandma down to the youngest relative, can have a good time. DIY Craft Kits: Let your creative juices flow! These kits aren’t only for children; they can be used by the whole family. These kits are great for anyone who wants to get their hands dirty. They can be used to create Thanksgiving decorations, paint, or do any other crafty project. Who knows? Who knows?

Fashionable Gifts

Dressing up is a part of the holiday spirit. Why not give a gift that will add a little style to your celebration?

Varsity jackets are cool. It could be the nostalgia that they bring back, or their effortless style. These jackets are versatile and trendy, making them a wardrobe staple. These jackets are versatile and can be worn with anything. They’re a wardrobe essential. These unique designs are not only beautiful but tell a tale. These pieces make the recipient feel valued and remembered. They are a great choice for the holiday season.

Tech and Gadgets

Tech gifts today are not just flashy gadgets. They’re also tools that can enhance our everyday experiences.

Smart Home Devices – The future is intelligent, so what better way to enter it than by using smart home devices. These devices, whether they’re voice-controlled assistants or smart lighting or thermostats that can be controlled by a smartphone, not only make your life easier, but also modernize any home. These are the perfect gifts for those who want to stay on top of their game. They’ll elevate your living space. What’s a good party without some tunes? Portable Bluetooth speakers allow you to take your music with you wherever you go. Compact, powerful and boasting impressive

Did you miss our previous article…
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Reviewing The Black Label Trading Co. Royalty Cigar

Black Label Trading Co. Royalty Cigar

Black Label Trading Co. Royalty Cigar

While scrolling through CigarPage’s catalog, I came across Black Label Trading Co.’s aggressive macabre branding and was immediately curious.

I am the target demographic for this brand; I have a black cat, my first concert was Iron Maiden, and I have a 12-foot skeleton in front of my house that stands year-round, scaring children and squirrels alike.

If the branding doesn’t pique your interest, knowing that this cigar won the 2023 Cigar Journal’s Best Boutique Nicaraguan Brand award should. Come along as I review the Royalty corona via the following categories:

Cigar FormulaCigar OverviewLook & FeelFlavours & BurnIdeal PairingsOverall Experience

You can use the links above to jump ahead or scroll down to learn more.

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Download the Black Label Trading Co. Royalty Cigar Matrix as a PDF.

Black Label Trading Royal Cigar Review Formula
Learn more about the Bespoke Unit Cigar Formula

Cigar Overview

Brand: Black Label Trading Co.Range: RoyaltyReviewed Vitolas: 5.5 x 42 CoronaWrapper: Ecuadorian CorojoBinder: HonduranFiller: NicaraguanFactory: Oveja Negra, EstelíHandmade: YesBody: FullEstimated Smoking Time: 60  MinutesPricing: $132 / Box [Buy Now]

The Royalty range uses an Ecuadorian Corojo wrapper, Honduran binder, and long Nicaraguan filler tobacco. The cigars are hand-rolled in Estelí, Nicaragua, at the Fábrica de Oveja Negra, which translates to “black sheep factory.”

Black Label Royalty Cigar with Box & Formula

Shop The Black Label Royalty Online!

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