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You’re the sculptor of your own destiny, and a mindset and confidence coach is your chisel, meticulously helping you shape your aspirations into reality.

As you dedicate your life to serving others, this coach partners with you, ensuring your self-belief and mental fortitude match the nobility of your pursuits. They understand the power of a nurtured mind and a steadfast spirit; it’s their mission to fortify yours against the storms of doubt.

By unraveling the threads of limiting beliefs, you’ll weave a tapestry of success that not only reflects your potential but also inspires those you’re destined to help. Choose to invest in your growth, for as you lift yourself, you elevate those around you with newfound conviction.

What is a Mindset and Confidence Coach?

You might be wondering what a mindset and confidence coach actually does.

They’re the ally you turn to when you’re ready to tackle the mental barriers that hold you back, offering techniques and support to help you grow your self-belief and reshape your outlook. It’s about equipping you with the tools to confidently chase your goals and thrive in your personal and professional life.

The Benefits of Working with a Mindset and Confidence Coach

Engaging with a mindset and confidence coach can transform your perspective, leading to profound personal and professional growth. These coaches guide you through the process of overcoming limiting beliefs that may be hindering your progress. By fostering a positive mindset and bolstering your confidence, you’ll find it easier to set and achieve meaningful goals.

The coaching journey is about unlocking your potential to serve others more effectively, enhancing your ability to make impactful decisions. As you work with your coach, you’ll learn to reframe your thoughts, which can lead to increased income, improved relationships, fulfilling work, weight loss, and a resilient, confident approach to life’s challenges.

Embrace this opportunity to shift your mindset and soar to new heights.

The Holistic Approach to Coaching

As you embrace the holistic approach to coaching, you’ll learn to create a safe space where clients can openly explore their personal lives and ambitions.

You’ll connect the dots between mental roadblocks, mindset shifts, and concrete action plans, ensuring that each step is tailored to the individual’s journey.

Using a Holistic Approach to Create a Safe Space for Clients

In an inspiring visual metaphor, a person ascends a staircase composed of books, each step embodying a vital lesson imparted by mindset and confidence coaching. At the pinnacle, the climber stretches out towards a radiant orb of light, representing the culmination of their goals and the pinnacle of personal growth achieved through their transformative journey.

Through a holistic coaching approach, you’ll discover a nurturing environment where your mindset and confidence can flourish without judgment or pressure.

As a mindset and confidence coach, I prioritize confidentiality, ensuring that our communication remains a private cornerstone of your personal development.

My methodology isn’t just about setting goals; it’s about understanding you as a whole person and tailoring our sessions to your unique needs.

Together, we’ll employ transformative tools like NLP, EFT, and hypnosis to reframe your thoughts and reprogram limiting beliefs.

This approach provides a safe space for you to explore your potential and empowers you to step into your power confidently, both in life and business.

Understanding the Client’s Personal Life and Goals

You’ll find that your life-coaching partnership delves deeply into both your personal life and professional aspirations, ensuring that every step you take is aligned with your holistic goals. As your mindset and confidence coach, I’m here to guide you through the intricacies of goal-setting, bolstering your self-esteem, and fostering the motivation necessary for personal growth.

Life coaching isn’t just about the surface level; it’s about understanding the core of who you’re and what drives you. Together, we’ll explore your ambitions and challenges, crafting a path that respects your values and the entirety of your life’s tapestry.

This approach isn’t just about success in business—it’s about thriving in every part of your being.

Making Connections Between Mental Blocks, Mindset Shifts, and Action Plans

In light of your personal and professional aspirations, tackling mental blocks with a holistic coaching approach seamlessly connects the dots between a resilient mindset and practical action plans.

As you strive to serve others, recognize that overcoming these mental hurdles is vital for cultivating a self-concept rooted in strength and adaptability.

Embracing mindset shifts allows you to reframe challenges as opportunities, enhancing your confidence and ability to guide those you help towards meaningful progress.

Your action plans then become tailored tools that bridge the gap between potential and achievement, both for yourself and those you support.

Identifying Roadblocks to Success and Developing Future Goals

This image visualizes a person breaking the chains that symbolize limiting beliefs, illustrating a transformative moment of personal liberation. Behind them, the silhouette of a confidence coach stands as a guiding presence. The background shifts from dark to light, metaphorically depicting the individual's journey from doubt to enlightenment under the empowering guidance of mindset and confidence coaching.

As a mindset and confidence coach, I guide you in pinpointing the roadblocks that stand in the way of your success and aid you in mapping out clear, achievable goals for your future.

We tackle procrastination, not as a flaw, but as a signal pointing to deeper issues. You’ll learn that self-care is paramount; it fuels your journey and prevents burnout.

Together, we’ll dismantle impostor syndrome by reshaping the beliefs that underpin it. Your mental health is the bedrock of your success, so we approach it with the utmost respect, integrating strategies that honor your complete well-being.

3 Reasons to Consider Confidence Coaching

If you’re feeling stuck in your career, confidence coaching can be the catalyst for the change you need.

It also sharpens your communication skills, which can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Moreover, embracing coaching for everyday well-being can significantly enhance your overall quality of life.

Coaching for Your Career

You’ll find that confidence coaching can be a crucial stepping stone in advancing your career and enhancing your professional life.

Through personalized mentorship, you gain insights into professional development that are tailored to your unique strengths and challenges. Effective goal setting becomes a cornerstone of your growth, with a coach providing the necessary feedback to refine your objectives. This collaborative process ensures that your aspirations aren’t just dreams, but actionable plans.

Moreover, skill building is integral to this journey. A confidence coach doesn’t just bolster your self-assurance; they equip you with the tools to excel in serving others. By embracing this guidance, you’ll navigate your career with greater competence and conviction, ready to make a positive impact in your field.

Coaching for Your Relationships

In your relationships, a mindset and confidence coach can be the key to unlocking healthier and more fulfilling connections with others. By fostering communication skills, you’ll navigate difficult conversations with love and empathy, building stronger bonds based on trust.

Confidence coaching isn’t just about you; it’s about enhancing your ability to serve those you care about.

Investing in personal growth through coaching equips you to confront relational challenges courageously. It’s about assessing where you’re and making actionable changes for a brighter future. With a coach’s support, you’ll see improvements in your mood and overall well-being, which naturally spills over into your relationships, paving the way for a more satisfying life.

Embrace the journey toward deeper, more meaningful connections.

Coaching for Everyday Wellbeing

Enhancing your everyday wellbeing is one of the most compelling reasons to consider working with a mindset and confidence coach.

You’re passionate about serving others, and a coach can help you develop the confidence to do so more effectively. By fostering a positive mindset, you’ll be better equipped to manage challenging situations and perform daily tasks with greater assurance.

This investment in your personal growth leads to a fulfilling life, where your baseline mood and overall wellbeing see a marked improvement.

Your coach will guide you in making smart decisions, refining your communication skills, and evaluating the present to implement actionable changes for the future.

Embrace this change, and you’ll find yourself empowered to move beyond feeling stuck, ready to thrive in service to others.

Finding the Right Coach for You

A metaphorical image showcasing a person looking into a mirror with a reflection that reveals a more confident and empowered version of themselves. A supportive coach's hand rests reassuringly on their shoulder, symbolizing the guiding influence of confidence coaching. The setting is designed to be introspective and uplifting, with elements that suggest a personal journey of growth and self-discovery.

When it’s time to choose a mindset and confidence coach, you’ll want to consider their qualifications carefully. Understanding the distinction between certified and uncertified coaches is crucial in making an informed decision.

Keep in mind these tips for selecting a coach who aligns with your personal growth goals and can effectively guide you on your journey.

Qualifications of an Effective Coach

To ensure your coach’s qualifications align with your needs, it’s essential to examine their track record of helping clients succeed. Look for a certified confidence coach with a solid foundation in psychology and a commitment to continuous learning.

They should be well-versed in techniques like neuro-linguistic programming, adept at tailoring their approach to individual aspirations, such as entrepreneurship. It’s not just about their knowledge but also about how they apply it to serve others effectively.

The right coach for you’ll have proven strategies for transformation and a genuine passion for guiding you toward your fullest potential. When their expertise is reflected in the success of their clients, you’ll know you’ve found a coach who can truly empower your journey.

Certified vs. Uncertified Coaches: What’s the Difference?

In your search for a mindset and confidence coach, it’s crucial to understand that every coach, certified or not, brings a unique set of skills and experiences to the table.

Certified vs. uncertified coaches may initially seem like a black and white choice, but it’s the coach’s experience that often speaks volumes. A certified coach has undergone specific training and adheres to a set of professional standards, which can be reassuring.

However, don’t discount an uncertified coach who might bring invaluable practical experience, perhaps as a professional golfer who’s mastered the mental game or as someone who’s overcome a mental disorder through self-taught techniques.

In essence, finding the right coach for you might hinge more on their personal achievements and your rapport than on their certification status alone.

Tips for Choosing the Right Mindset and Confidence Coach for You

Selecting the right mindset and confidence coach involves evaluating their experience, style, and approach to ensure they align with your personal growth journey. You want someone who not only understands the intricacies of mindset and confidence but also resonates with your ambition to serve others.

Look for a coach with expertise in dismantling limiting beliefs and fostering growth to unlock your potential. Ensure they offer personalized strategies and demonstrate a proven track record of empowering clients.

It’s crucial to choose a coach whose values mirror yours and who commits to guiding you toward your vision. Your coach should be a catalyst for action, propelling you forward in your quest to uplift and inspire those around you.

Preparing for Your Coaching Session

Before you meet with your coach, it’s crucial to set clear expectations for what you want to achieve.

Think about how you can structure your initial session to ensure you’re getting the most value from your time together.

Be ready to explore your goals and challenges openly, setting the stage for a transformative coaching experience.

Setting Your Expectations Before Meeting with Your Coach

Artistic representation of a skilled artisan at work, sculpting a human figure from marble, in an analogy to confidence coaching. The scene captures the serene ambiance of a sculptor’s studio, where the soft natural light accentuates the meticulous process that mirrors the strategic and supportive role of a confidence coach in sculpting a client's self-belief and resilience, guiding their journey of turning aspirations into reality.

Establishing clear goals is your first step toward a productive mindset and confidence coaching session. Before you meet with your coach, it’s crucial to reflect on what you truly aspire to achieve. Consider the areas you wish to serve others more effectively, and how enhancing your mindset and confidence could facilitate this.

Set expectations that align with your commitment to growth and the work you’re ready to invest. Be honest with yourself about the challenges you face, and be open to the transformative journey ahead. This preparation ensures your coaching sessions are focused and fruitful.

Structuring your First Coaching Session to Make the Most of It

To ensure your initial mindset and confidence coaching session is impactful, identify at least three key areas you’d like to focus on for personal growth. Reflect on your current mindset, pinpointing blocks that may be thwarting your progress. Approach your session with a questionnaire in mind, ready to explore the depths of your confidence and aspirations.

Your coach’s role is to listen intently, providing a safe space for you to unravel your thoughts and emotions.

Setting clear goals for what you wish to achieve through coaching will give you and your coach a targeted path to follow. Embark on this journey with openness and a commitment to yourself, knowing that you’re taking a significant step towards serving not only your own aspirations but also empowering others through your transformation.

As a mindset and confidence coach, you’ll find that incorporating neuroscience-based techniques is among the latest trends enhancing the effectiveness of personal development strategies. Understanding the brain’s plasticity has revolutionized the approach to modifying behaviours and fostering growth. By leveraging insights into how neurons communicate and form networks, you can guide clients to rewire their brain for greater confidence and a more resilient mindset.

You’re not just helping clients understand concepts; you’re empowering them to transform their lives. Through exercises that promote the formation of new neuronal connections, individuals can develop habits that support their aspirations. It’s about showing them how consistent practice can literally change the structure of their brain, aligning their mindset with their goals.

Your role is pivotal in nurturing an environment where clients can thrive. By staying abreast of these scientific developments, you can offer cutting-edge techniques that make a tangible difference. Encourage them to challenge their old beliefs and embrace a growth mindset, all while providing a safe space for exploration and discovery.

This holistic approach marries the science of the brain with the heart of coaching, helping clients unlock their potential and step into a more confident version of themselves.

Common Misconceptions: Common Misconceptions Regarding Confidence Coaching

In exploring the realm of confidence coaching, you’ll often encounter misconceptions that can skew your understanding of its true value and purpose. Some believe it’s merely about positive thinking, yet it’s so much more. Confidence coaching provides actionable strategies and personalized support to not only build confidence but to address and transform the mental roadblocks that prevent you from reaching your full potential.

You might doubt whether such coaching is right for you, thinking it’s only for those who visibly lack confidence. However, it’s also for you if you’re feeling stuck or in need of clarity in your pursuits. It’s a tool to help refine your mindset, which in turn, enhances your ability to serve others effectively.

Contrary to some beliefs, confidence coaching isn’t limited to career-oriented individuals. It’s equally valuable for improving personal relationships and overall well-being. The work you do with a coach goes beyond surface-level confidence; it involves delving into deep-seated beliefs that shape your self-perception.

Conclusion

You’ve now glimpsed the transformative power of a mindset and confidence coach. They’re more than a guide; they’re your partner in unlocking potential.

With the right coach, tailored strategies, and a readiness to grow, you’re set to conquer self-doubt and rise with confidence.

So, take that step, embrace the journey, and watch as you transform into the boldest, most assured version of yourself.

Your future’s bright, and it starts with you saying ‘Yes’ to change.

What is a mindset and confidence coach?

A mindset and confidence coach is a professional who helps individuals cultivate positive mental attitudes and self-belief. They use various techniques to guide people towards achieving their personal and professional goals by improving their mindset and boosting their confidence.

How can a mindset and confidence coach help improve my self-esteem?

Mindset and confidence coaches can help improve your self-esteem by helping you identify negative thought patterns, teaching methods to counteract these thoughts, encouraging self-affirmation, setting clear achievable goals for improvement, providing accountability, and giving support throughout the process.

What kind of techniques does a mindset and confidence coach use?

Techniques used by a mindset and confidence coach may include cognitive behavioral strategies, mindfulness exercises, affirmations, visualization techniques, goal-setting exercises, motivational interviewing, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), among others.

Can I access a mindset and confidence coaching service online?

Yes. Many coaches offer services via online platforms such as video calls or webinars. This allows for greater accessibility as you can receive coaching from anywhere in the world with an internet connection.

Why might someone seek out the services of a mindset & confidence coach?

Individuals might seek out a mindset & confidence coach if they are struggling with low self-esteem or lack of belief in themselves that is impacting their job performance or personal life. These coaches can also be beneficial for those wanting to achieve specific career or personal growth goals but need guidance on overcoming mental barriers preventing progress.

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By: klemen
Title: Mindset And Confidence Coach: Transforming Your Life with Empowered Thinking
Sourced From: williscoaching.com/mindset-and-confidence-coach-transforming-your-life-with-empowered-thinking/
Published Date: Wed, 20 Dec 2023 20:33:02 +0000

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Mens Health

The Future of Men’s Mental Health

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Captura de pantalla 2024 04 17 a las 17.36.20 1
Photo by drew_hays / Unsplash.com

Part 1 — Men and Mental Health, What Are We Missing?

I have been interested in men’s mental, emotional, and relational health for a long time. When I was five years old my mid-life father became increasingly irritable, angry, and depressed because he felt he couldn’t support our family, my mother and me, doing the work he loved. In desperation he took an overdose of sleeping pills to stop the pain. Fortunately, he didn’t die, but our lives were never the same. He was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital.

My father had been an actor in New York and moved to California with the hopes of working in the emerging movie and television industry. But like many creative artists of the period he ran into the “red scare,” was blacklisted, and couldn’t find work. His time in the mental hospital only made him worse. I grew up wondering what happened to my father, when it would happen to me, and how I could prevent it from happening to other families.

After graduating from college I was accepted into U.C. San Francisco Medical School with hopes of becoming a psychiatrist. I hoped to learn and develop the skills to help men like my father as well as the families who love them. However, medicine, at the time, was too restrictive for me and I transferred to U.C. Berkeley where I earned my Master of Social Work Degree. My initial interest focused on addiction medicine, but I soon expanded my work to include Gender-Specific Medicine and men’s health. I later returned to school and earned a PhD in International Health. My dissertation research was published as a book: Male vs. Female Depression: Why Men Act Out and Women Act In.

Following the birth of our first son, Jemal, in 1969 and daughter, Angela, in 1972, I launched MenAlive.com as my window to the world to house my books, articles, and on-line programs. I’ve had seventeen books published including international best-sellers Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, as well as trend-setting books including Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing the Planet, Stress Relief for Men, and Long Live Men! The Moonshot Mission to Heal Men, Close the Lifespan Gap, and Offer Hope to Humanity.

The field of gender-specific healing and men’s mental health has grown considerably since I began in 1972. I estimate that there are now at least a thousand organizations that focus on various aspects of men’s health. In 2021, I invited several colleagues who were doing great work to join me in what I called my Moonshot Mission for Mankind and Humanity. We began meeting monthly to get to know each other, share ideas, and create an on-line hub to bring individuals and organizations together to help men live fully healthy lives.

            With the help and support of one of our founding members, Joe Conrad, Founder and CEO of Man Therapy, we developed a website and introductory film at MoonshotforMankind.com.  I believe that men are both the “canaries in the coalmine” alerting us to the problems faced by humanity and also they are the key players in solving the problems that undermine the health of all. The Moonshot site shares our vision and call to connect:

“The journey to heal humanity has begun.”

Our Moonshot vision can be summarized simply:

“We believe man’s mental, emotional, and relational health is the key to empowering men to live long and well. Our mission is to help men live healthier, happier, more cooperative lives—fulfilling lives of purpose and productivity, where men are supported and valued as they make positive contributions to their families, friends, and communities. When that happens, families grow stronger, communities prosper, and humanity takes its next leap forward.”

Men and Mental Health: What Are We Missing?

            According to report by Derek M. Griffith, PhD, Ayo Ogunbiyi, MPH, and Emily Jaeger, MPH at Georgetown University’s Center for Men’s Health Equity,

Men aren’t the problem. The way that we — society as a whole and health care providers specifically — treat them is.”

In an April 2, 2024 article titled “Men and mental health: What are we missing?,” they detail a number of important issues that we often fail to address including the following:

  • It is time that primary care physicians, mental health service providers, and policymakers look critically at the accuracy and utility of their assumptions and explanations for men’s rates of depression, anxiety, burnout, substance abuse, and other common mental health conditions.
  • 40% of men with a reported mental illness received mental health care services in the past year, compared with 52% of women with a reported mental illness, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
  • The COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated the crisis of men’s mental health.
  • The uncertainty of the pandemic, loneliness from social distancing, financial stresses, relationship challenges, and other contextual factors contributed to increased rates of men having difficulty sleeping, alcohol and substance use, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms.
  • Traditionally, men are socialized to define their worth by their ability to contribute economically to a household. However, as the labor market has shifted away from traditionally male-dominated jobs, men must now redefine their worth outside of their employment, income, and home.
  • The notion of “precarious manhood,” which is the belief that manhood is an achieved social status that must be earned and constantly defended, means that men may feel it is their character — rather than their behavior — being judged during more tumultuous economic times.
  • Even when men seek care, that care often falls short. Data from Canada and the United States found that more than 60% of men who died by suicide had accessed mental health care services within the previous year.
  • When men do seek mental health care services, it is not uncommon for them to feel that providers mislabel and underestimate their needs, and that these providers do not seem to have a genuine interest in their problems.
  • The fact that men are diagnosed with depression at lower rates than women, despite their higher rates of suicide, substance use, and violent behavior, suggests that more could be done to improve the tools used to diagnose men with depression.
  • While some mental health care service providers may be gender sensitive and recognize the ways that aggressiveness, alcohol use, and risky behavior are part of the presenting symptoms men with depression may exhibit, there are few courses and trainings that focus on gender differences in mental health, potentially leading to mental health care service providers being less equipped to serve and offer gender-sensitive resources to men.

We need a new approach for addressing men’s mental health issues. In the second part of this series, I will address the reality that men’s mental health issues don’t just impact men. They impact everyone. If you’d like to read more articles like these, please visit me at MenAlive.com and receive our free newsletter with new articles and tools you can use to improve your mental, emotional, and relational health.

The post The Future of Men’s Mental Health appeared first on MenAlive.

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By: Jed Diamond
Title: The Future of Men’s Mental Health
Sourced From: menalive.com/the-future-of-mens-mental-health/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-future-of-mens-mental-health
Published Date: Wed, 17 Apr 2024 23:33:29 +0000

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Mens Health

Podcast #983: Grid-Down Medicine — A Guide for When Help Is NOT on the Way

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If you read most first aid guides, the last step in treating someone who’s gotten injured or sick is always: get the victim to professional medical help.

But what if you found yourself in a situation where hospitals were overcrowded, inaccessible, or non-functional? What if you found yourself in a grid-down, long-term disaster, and you were the highest medical resource available?

Dr. Joe Alton is an expert in what would come after the step where most first aid guides leave off. He’s a retired surgeon and the co-author of The Survival Medicine Handbook: The Essential Guide for When Help is NOT on the Way. Today on the show, Joe argues that every family should have a medical asset and how to prepare to be a civilian medic. We discuss the different levels of first aid kits to consider creating, from an individual kit all the way up to a community field hospital. And we talk about the health-related skills you might need in a long-term grid-down disaster, from burying a dead body, to closing a wound with super glue, to making an improvised dental filling, to even protecting yourself from the radiation of nuclear fallout.

Resources Related to the Podcast

  • AoM Article: How to Use a Tourniquet to Control Major Bleeding
  • AoM Article: The Complete Guide to Making a DIY First Aid Kit
  • AoM Article: How to Suture a Wound
  • AoM Article: What Every Man Should Keep in His Car
  • AoM Article: Improvised Ways to Close a Wound
  • AoM Podcast #869: The Survival Myths That Can Get You Killed With Alone Winner Jim Baird

Connect With Joe Alton

  • Doom and Bloom website
  • Doom and Bloom on YouTube
  • Doom and Bloom on FB

Cover of "the survival medicine handbook," featuring a red first aid kit on a road under a stormy sky, by Joseph Alton MD and Amy Alton APRN.

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

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By: Brett & Kate McKay
Title: Podcast #983: Grid-Down Medicine — A Guide for When Help Is NOT on the Way
Sourced From: www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/health/podcast-983-grid-down-medicine-a-guide-for-when-help-is-not-on-the-way/
Published Date: Wed, 17 Apr 2024 12:37:37 +0000

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Mens Health

How to Become Successful at the Three Essential Marriages for Achieving a Great Life

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Photo by spiritvisionstudios / Unsplash.com

“Human beings are creatures of belonging which we achieve through three marriages. First, through relationship with other people and other things (particularly and very personally, to one other person in relationship or marriage); second, through work; and third, through an understanding of what it means to be themselves.” David Whyte, The Three Marriages: Reimaging Work, Self and Relationship.

For more than fifty years I have helped people achieve success in all three kinds of relationships. Like many I married young. My wife and I were together for ten years and had two children before our marriage broke up. After a time of pain and healing, I fell in love again, and remarried. Looking back, I can see that one was a rebound relationship and it too ended.

Endings are painful for everyone, but when you’re a marriage and family counselor who makes his living helping fix relationships, it is not only painful, but shameful as well. I talk about it on my website, MenAlive.com in an introductory video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.” Fortunately, I got my own help, worked through unhealed trauma from my past, and learned what it truly takes to have a successful marriage. My wife, Carlin, and I have been happily married for forty-four years.

            We all want a life that is happy and joyful, but how to achieve success is not often clear and easy.

“If you have to make one life choice, right now, to set yourself on the path to future health and happiness, what would it be?”

This question was asked by two world-renowned social scientists, Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD.

Dr. Waldinger is professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study on Adult Development. Dr. Schultz is the associate director. The Harvard Study is the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted. It began in 1938 and offers the most scientifically supported guidance for achieving a great life.

The latest findings are reported in Waldinger’s and Schulz’s book, The Good Life: Lessons From The World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. In a 2007 survey, millennials were asked about their most important life goals. Seventy-six percent said that becoming rich was their number one goal. Fifty percent said a major goal was to become famous. More than a decade later, after millennials had spent more time as adults, similar questions were asked again. Fame was now lower on the list, but top goals again included things like making money, having a successful career, and becoming debt-free.

            What does the data from thousands of interviews over eighty-six years tell us? If we want a great life what is the one thing that is more important than others? The answer can be stated in three simple words: Create Good Relationships.

“In fact, good relationships are significant enough that if we had to take all eighty-six years of the Harvard Study,”

say Drs. Waldinger and Schulz,

“and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this:

Good Relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period.”

The Three Marriages We Must Embrace to Have a Successful Life

            In his book The Three Marriages: Reimaging Work, Self and Relationship, David Whyte says,

“Despite our use of the word “marriage” only for a committed relationship between two people, “in reality everyone is committed consciously or unconsciously to three marriages.”

            Whyte goes on to say,

“There is that first marriage, the one we usually mean, to another; that second marriage, which can so often seem like a burden, to work or vocation; and that third and most likely hidden marriage to a core conversation inside ourselves. We can call these three separate commitments marriages because at their core they are usually lifelong commitments and, as I wish to illustrate, they involve vows made either consciously or unconsciously.”

For most of my life I tried to find a balance between my work life and my love life. The truth is that I was much better at work than I was at love. It is not surprising. I had my first job when I was seven years old. My father had left when I was five, committed to a mental hospital after taking an overdose of sleeping pills because he had become increasingly stressed and depressed because he couldn’t make a living to support my mother and me.

With my father gone, my mother had to find work outside the home. We had little money beyond what was needed for the essentials, so I learned early to work for anything I truly wanted. I got good at work, but like many who grew up without a father and mother at home, what I learned about having a healthy and happy married life was minimal and I was too busy hustling for my next job success to have time to wonder about what it meant to get to know my true self.

For too many of us we feel like we are going up and down on a teeter-totter with our work and love lives competing for our attention while our personhood often gets neglected and forgotten. David Whyte offers us all a great service when he suggests this basic reality:

“Each of those marriages, is at its heart, nonnegotiable. We should give up the attempt to balance one against another, of, for instance, taking away from work to give more time to a partner, or vice versa, and start thinking of each marriage conversing with, questioning, or emboldening the other two.”

            With the framework of the three marriages, we can ask ourselves where we might need improvement. Here’s a little scale I find useful.

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How would you rate yourself in all five areas? I feel successful in all five areas, but it has been a lifelong process of healing and learning. I still have a way to go yet, like all of us. My score was 24. How about yours?

Bringing It All Together

For me, I have come to see achieving success at the three marriages as a true hero’s journey, one that lasts a lifetime. My wife, Carlin, is part Native American. In our area, there are several women who weave beautiful baskets made out of local materials that grow in nature. A well-known basket weaver described a well-made basket as a metaphor for creating a great life.

            Here’s how she describes the process.

“Our life is a basket woven from many different strands, each essential for a strong container. Each part of our life is one strand in this basket.It’s impossible to weave multiple strands at the same time; we need to attend to the strand that requires our attention without losing awareness of the others. Every strand will get our attention—just not all at the same time. I know I give attention to where I am most needed, knowing that I will then move on to the next demand. The basket holds my life as I strengthen individual strands. I’m no longer on a teeter-totter—I am weaving my life into something whole and lovely.”

When I reflect on my own life, there are times when I must focus on my wife, Carlin, knowing that there are other parts of my life that will require my attention at another time. At other times, one of our five children or seventeen grandchildren all for my attention. Yet, I can’t ever forget my work and my commitment to my calling. Running through all these “strands of my basket” is my commitment to my deepest self, getting to know who I really am and learning to love the man I am with all my flaws as well as my gifts.

I have written about how I have integrated these strands in the books I have written. If you are interested in learning about me and my work, I recommend, Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man, 12 Rules for Good Men, and Long Live Men: The Moonshot Mission to Heal Men, Close the Lifespan Gap, and Offer Hope for Humanity.

If you want to learn more about me and my relationship life, I recommend The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationship and Why the Best is Still to Come, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions.

If you would like to take one of my on-line courses, I recommend:

Navigating the 5 Stages of Love.

Healing the Irritable Male Syndrome.

Healing the Family Father Wound.

If you would like to join our mission to improve the lives of men and their families, I recommend:

The Moonshot for Mankind and Humanity.

If you would like to do individual or couple counseling with me, drop me a note at Jed@MenAlive.com and put “Counseling” in the subject line. I will send you the information. If you would like to receive my free weekly newsletter with updates and new articles, you can sign up here.

The post How to Become Successful at the Three Essential Marriages for Achieving a Great Life appeared first on MenAlive.

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By: Jed Diamond
Title: How to Become Successful at the Three Essential Marriages for Achieving a Great Life
Sourced From: menalive.com/how-to-become-successful-at-the-three-essential-marriages/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-become-successful-at-the-three-essential-marriages
Published Date: Thu, 11 Apr 2024 20:02:04 +0000

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